¡felices año nuevo...

i'm early but i wanted to wish everyone a prosperous, safe, and blessed 2008!

a change is gonna come...

so for the last few months i have been mulling the possibility of changing a few things about myself...for starters i've wanted to cut my hair. i want a layered bob and maybe get it colored as well but i'm not sure it would look right on me. i've been looking online to see if i can find pics of exactly how i want my hair but the closest i could find was a pic in the essence.com online hair gallery. so here is a pic of how i want my hair:

new look



that's kinda short, i mean if i'm having a bad hair day my fear is that i won't be able to pull it back into a pony-tail. but change is good, so once i find a good stylist here in charlotte (and i'm looking) that's it. and if i get it cut and layered my thought is that it might get thicker and grow even faster. who knows...

insomnia...

its almost 4am, i don't think i've ever been up this late. no - not even when i was in college. since friday, 12/21 i've been staying up later and later and getting up later then taking a nap around 3pm which has seriously thrown my internal clock off. i have no idea what i'm going to do on tuesday night because i go back to work on 1/2.

i rearranged the furniture in my apt today. not like i have so many pieces of furniture to rearrange, but i got tired of looking at my living room/dining room/pt bedroom like it was so i moved the furniture. i have to say it looks nice and cozy. i need to put up some pictures or art on the wall. for some reason i've avoided doing that since i've been in charlotte but i feel like i'm going to be here (in the city, hopefully not in this apt) for a while so i might as well get settled in. i need to find a bookshelf, so tomorrow (well today) i'll go to tar-jay and see what i can find. hopefully something cheap but chic & cute. just enough to hold the books that i have here with me, my radio, maybe a few candles and more.

i'm hungry, heck i might as well get up and eat instead of trying to go to sleep since it's officially 4am. but i'll try to squeeze in a few hours. i really want to wake up early and go to the 7:30am church service, but i don't think that's going to happen. i want to start '08 right, so i am going to try and go to a nye church service. i was talking to my friend "d" who mentioned that he might do that because this year has been extremely good for him and he's been blessed and that's where he felt he should be. even if it doesn't make it to church, he's got the right sentiments. i feel the same, this has been a good year, it may not have been a good as i expected or wanted but i really can't complain.

ok, i'm finally starting to get sleepy (ain't that a blip?) so i'm headed to bed for now...

'07 reflections & thoughts...

i usually don't do resolutions because i know that i won't keep them. instead i say what i'd like to do and then hope i can make my goals become realities. i started '07 wishing for a few things: a new job, i wanted to become more active, i wanted to meet new people, and i wanted to try and come out of my shell. i can honestly say that three of the four things happened or began to happen by the end of the year. this year i'm also truly thankful for: my family (yeah, they get on my nerves but i still love'em) and my friends/sorors (who are down for me no matter what).

this year was definitely a good year, i learned a lot of lessons but in '08 the most important thing for me to learn and remember is to listen to my conscience and learn to let things and certain people go. i must realize that it doesn't do me any good keeping unnecessary people or things in my life. in fact those things or people may be blocking my blessings and keeping the necessary things/people from coming into my life.

speaking of blocking blessings...two weeks ago joel osteen was on bet one night. now usually i don't watch bet and would have changed the channel but that night he spoke of divine connections. i felt like i really needed to hear that message at that particular time. in short, we sometimes keep people in our lives that do us no good, yet we ask god when is our blessing coming (i.e financial, relationship, etc). how can he bring those people he has lined up for us to meet and be a blessing in our lives if we are still holding on to the old? we must have faith and believe that he has things worked out already, all we have to do is be open to receive our blessings.

i took that message to heart because i have 2 people in my life right now, one i've known for over 10yrs (d) and one who i met recently (let's call his azz "can't get right"). friend #1 (d) of 10 yrs IM'd me one day right around the time i was introduced to person #2 ("can't get right"). its funny because we hadn't talked much over the last two years but now we chat a little more frequently and its all good. i'm at ease with this person, i can talk to them about anything and everything and not worry about hurt feelings or censoring what i say and most importantly this person makes me laugh. i don't know what future may hold for us but i've been told to "never say never." person #2 - "can't get right", well let's just say its finally starting to sink in (yeah, just now) that this person is "just not into me." actions speak louder than words and those actions don't say much. so i wonder if by keeping person #2 in my life am i blocking whatever may/may not happen with person #1. who knows, but '08 will definitely be interesting - no matter what happens.

getting to know me...

yeah, its one of those posts...found this on another bloggers site-

1. What time did you get up this morning? 10am est
2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? i am legend
4. What is your favorite TV show?? grey's anatomy and private practice
5. What do you usually have for breakfast?? usually i don't eat breakfast, but if i do, just fruit (strawberries and pineapples)
6. What is your middle name?? marice (yeah, it sounds just like a guy's name - i blame my momma for that one)
7. What food do you dislike??? hmm, that's tough because i love food, but i'm gonna have to say "chitlins" ya'll know that old southern favorite...ugh!
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment?? alicia keys & mary j - loving both their new CDs
9. What kind of car do you drive?? '06 honda accord
10. Favorite sandwich? #8 from wendy's
11. What characteristic do you despise??? brown noser
12. Favorite item of clothing? track pants
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?? england, paris, and spain
14. What color is your bathroom? plain old white
15. Favorite brand of clothing? don't really have one - whatever fits and looks good on me
16. Where would you retire to? probably asheville, nc
17. What was your most recent memorable birthday??? this years b-day because i had the chance to spend time with someone i "thought" i cared about
18. Favorite sport to watch?? none - i'm not really into sports
19. Furthest place you are sending this? not really sending this anywhere
20. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? see above
21. Person you expect to send it back first? same answer as #19 & 20
22. Favorite saying ... be who you are, say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter
23. When is your birthday??? october 27 (please put that in your calenders, lol)
24. Are you a morning person or a night person? i guess i'm a night person
25. What is your shoe size??? 6
26. Pets??? not yet, but i'm thinking about getting a cat
27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? no
28. What did you want to be when you were little? a black dr doolittle (ie - a veterinarian) - that was before eddie murphy made his version of the movie
29. How are you today????? great, well-rested, and people keep telling me how young i look so that rocks!
30. What is your favorite candy? jelly belly jelly beans
31. What is your favorite flower?? the yellow tea rose (what else?)
32. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?? october 27th
33. What is your full name?? yeah, like i'm gonna put that on here...if you know me, you already know my real full name, if you don't just ask but i'm gonna wonder why you wanna know
34. What are you listening to right now? my tv, its playing in the background
35. What was the last thing you ate? cheetos cheese puffs
36. Do you wish on stars??? sometimes
37. If you were a crayon, what color would you be??? red
38. How is the weather right now? rainy & cold
41. Favorite soft drink?? fanta cherry
42. Favorite restaurant??? not really a restaurant - panera bread
43. Hair color? black
44. Siblings? 1 older brother
45. Favorite day of the year? any day that i have vacation from work or decide to call in sick
46. What was your favorite toy as a child??? barbie's dream house w/ the pool
47. Summer or winter? fall (yeah i know that wasn't a choice)
48. Hugs or kisses? both, preferably at the same time
49. Coffee or tea?? neither
50. Chocolate or Vanilla?? hmm, vanilla ice cream...if that's what we're talking about
51. Do you want your friends to email you back? not really, comment if you like
52. When was the last time you cried??? two weeks ago
53. What is under your bed??? shoes
54. Who is the friend you have had the longest??? myra
55. What did you do last night? nothing
56. Favorite smell? vanilla (especially the bath and body works warm vanilla sugar lotion)
57. What are you afraid of? disappointing everyone by not reaching my full potential
58. Salty or sweet? depends on the day
59. How many keys on your key ring??? 6
60. How many years at your current job? 2yrs 2 months
61. Favorite day of the week???? friday
62. How many towns have you lived in? 5 (hillsborough,raleigh, cary, mebane, charlotte)
63. Do you make friends easily? no, probably cause i'm shy
64. How many people will you send this to? none, i've posted it in my blog
65. How many will respond? who knows...its posted in my blog, folks can comment if they like

the day after christmas...

i am so glad to be back home, in my own apt with my bed, my kitchen, my tv, and most importantly my roadrunner service and cable tv. my mom doesn't believe in either, but she does have dial-up internet access... :(, it would have taken me three days to download a page that normally takes two seconds at my place. i guess i'm spoiled...heck i know i am, lol.

christmas was good. the usual thing is for my mom, brother, neice and me to eat dinner at my cousin's house with her mom, her family, and her in-laws. this year i just didn't feel like dealing with that...so instead we chilled at home, visited my grandma, and then spent the afternoon with my brother at his new house (with his nosey, know-it-all girlfriend). but even with her there the day was still good.

merry christmas...

i wanted to take the time out to wish everyone a merry christmas.

the randomness...

hmm, if insanity is doing the same thing day in and day out and expecting a different result would that make me insane because i keep going to my job expecting something totally different but its the same ol' isht...


i hate it when folks (even kids) cough and don't cover their mouths. today while in subway a man came in with his son. the child was coughing from the time he hit the door until they came to the counter. they got beside me, he coughed, i frowned and moved far, far away from the child...the man looked at me like i was the crazy one. umm, hayle naw i'm not trying to catch a cold from your germ ridden brat.


i saw a cupcake book (yes, shaped like a little cupcake) in target tonite. i started to get it because it had so many great cupcake recipes in it. but i didn't :( ... maybe after the holidays. i have no idea where this sudden fascination with pastries (especially cupcakes) is coming from


i'm playing hooky from work on friday!!! **insert cheesy grin** i can't wait


i love my sorors...they make me proud to call myself a sigma woman


i'm starting to realize that sometimes you just can't be nice to people. i didn't tell ol' boy i wanted to be just friends because for some odd reason i didn't want to seem cold-hearted and cruel...

sick day...

no, i'm not sick, well not in the physical sense. but mentally i am so tired! i made up in my mind that i am calling in sick on friday. that was after working almost 12hrs today even after i was supposed to leave early. for some reason i have a sense of commitment to my job and the people that i work for that is not really returned to me. so, friday i am going to get up early, call my supervisors backup and let her know i will not be in and just say to hell with everything. then i'm going to sleep in and think of all the lovely things i'm going to do while on vacation next week. i mean don't get me wrong, i'm blessed and so grateful to have a job when so many people don't and are in pretty bad situations. but i just need a break. so, for once i'm gonna think of myself only and take a mental health day!

i am legend...

i did get a chance to go and see i am legend. the movie was sooooooo good! i'm a chicken, so at parts i had my eyes closed, especially during the scary parts which would be any part where the night seekers were in (ya know, the people who were infected with the virus and turned into some other isht!). but i have to say, will's body was s.i.c.k! definitely back to that i, robot body (ya'll remember that shower scene, lol, that is the only reason i watch the movie).

but on the real...can you imagine finding a cure for cancer only for it to morph into this airborne virus that kills half the human population? i mean, that will make you think. like now a days, we have all these drug resistant viruses because doctors are over prescribing medicine and folks are either 1) not taking all their medicine and stopping after they begin to feel better or 2) sharing the medicine with someone in their family or their friends. so, when you look at that and then diseases like hiv/aids and other std's this could really happen. that's some scary stuff! i'on know about ya'll but i hope that if something like this happens, i would be the one who was immune to the disease, except not as crazy as robert neville, lol.

so...i loved this movie and it will definitely become a part of my dvd collection. i was joking this evening that since i paid full price (no matinées this time) i'd feel ok buying a bootleg copy of the movie. but, since i love will, when the movie actually makes it to dvd, i'll be a good consumer and pay full price.

baby its coooooooold out side...

yeah, i know, a few days ago i was hating on the warm weather. now its freezing outside and raining on top of that. most who know me know that i don't 'do' the rain. i don't go outside in the rain if i can help it. there's gotta be a helluva reason to get me outside while its raining and the #1 reason is: i have to go to work. on the weekends, if it rains i generally will not go out. i will curl up with a good book, something to eat, and be just as happy as i can be. i told this to someone today and that person said i was trippin'. um, not really, i'm just being honest, why go outside if i can stay in my nice, warm apt and watch tv? but i am going to venture out later and go see "i am legend" with a friend. i was going to see it earlier today to get the matinée movie ticket, but what the heck, i'll pay full price because i think the movie is gonna be good.

speaking again of the weather, a soror mentioned some snow/freezing precipitation coming our way this week up from atlanta. i haven't heard anything about this on the weather channel yet, so we'll see.

*singing* its beginning to look...

a lot like christmas...nah, not even. over the last week the temps in nc have been in the 70's, yesterday in charlotte the temp was 79 which broke the record that was set back in 1931. i say bah-humbag! lol! global warming is definitely in effect. although the weather has been absolutely beautiful, it's doing nothing to put me in the christmas spirit. i'm not a fan of extremely cold weather, however i would like the weather to be consistent. one week its cold, the next week its hot. just once, i would love to have a white christmas. not like i'm gonna go out and play in the snow (well, i might) but it would be nice.

yeah, yeah, yeah the holiday is about so much more than snow but a girl can wish can't she?

*here's hoping that we get at least 2ft of snow at some point during the winter, i need a break from work, lol*

wally world experience pt 2...

so i had the bright idea to take a "quick" trip to wally world this evening. it was 9:45 pm so i figured i could get in and get out. nah, that didn't happen. and the fact that i couldn't find a decent parking spot should have told me to take my tail back home. i go in the store, get what i need and head for the checkout. why, why, why were there only 2 self checkout lanes open? even worse there were only 6 regular checkout lanes open. *sigh* should have stayed my butt at home. each checkout lane had at least 10-12 people in line who seemed to have a hundred items. i should call the president of wally world and find out why all the new lanes they are "supposed" to have open (per the christmas commercial) aren't. it doesn't make sense for me to go there at almost 10pm and have 5 items and it take 40 mins to get checked out and leave the store. and that there is why i hate wal-mart! but this is what i get for letting my stomach control my actions.

the "talk"...

i was reading the local paper and came across an article about a school system postponing abstinence education to allow time to review parental comments about the new program.

how many of you remember "the talk?" i remember it like it was yesterday, even though thankfully it wasn't, lol. i remember in the 5th grade getting the permission slip to watch the sex ed film and having my mom sign it so i could watch. not sure what i was excited about, i guess it was the unknown and the fact the 2 of my classmates had gotten their periods so i wanted to know what all the fuss was about (hmm, if i only knew then what know now, lol). anyway, that was 5th grade back in the early 80's. my first of a total of 3 sex ed discussions at school. there was one in the 8th grade and another in the 9th grade and that was it, i was on my own. i don't remember having a talk with my mom about sex, i just got a stern warning "don't do it." that's it. i took that to heart and that was it. i never worried or thought about it again until i became much, much older. i was never pressured into doing anything that i didn't want to do in order to become popular, to be part of the crowd or the famous "well, everyone else is doing it so i will too." that seems like a lifetime ago because clearly times and kids have changed.

i guess i wrote all that to explain my confusion about parents talking to their children about sex and abstinence. i mean, i don't have kids. like i said, i never had the talk with my mom, but if i do have kids some day i want to be open and honest with them and let them know that abstinence is the best policy but should they decide not to abstain they do have several different choices to protect themselves from pregnancy and stds. i know parents want to protect their children at all costs, shelter them from hurt, harm, and danger but i also believe in being prepared. by teaching only abstinence its like saying things don't happen. i know they do. why not prepare them with all the facts and allow them to make their own informed choice and no matter what the choice tell them you will be there for them for support and encouragement no matter what happens. what is the hang-up with talking about sex in this day and age. do we not remember what it was like when we were young? i think some parents block out what they did back in the day, they ignore it or they don't talk about it thinking they are protecting their children. nah, you're not. the one thing that my mom did talk about was getting pregnant at 18 and having to drop out of school. by talking to me about that experience, i was determined not to have the same thing happen to me and repeat that cycle of being a teenage mother.

i believe in the merits of sex education in school but i also believe any type of education starts at home first. start talking to kids at an early age about their anatomy and any feelings they may be experiencing. parents should show their kids that they're open to frank discussions about the subject. maybe if there were more discussions at home the teenage pregnancy rate wouldn't be so high. maybe the cycle of teenage mother hood wouldn't keep repeating itself. maybe the growing rate of std's in the community, particularly in the african american community wouldn't be where they are.

life changing...

this is not another blog about relationships or men, this will be a fun blog (at least for me). about one of my most favorite things in the world. FOOD! today for lunch i decided to try something new. i went to my favorite places - panera bread (thanks fantasy eyes for getting me hooked on that place, lol). anyway, my co-worker said she was having the broccoli cheddar soup and a sandwich. so i decided to forgo my normal salad and try the soup and sandwich as well. did i already mention it was life changing? lol, yeah it's that serious. my sandwich was the bomb, i just wasn't expecting the soup to be so good. 'cause after all, it's just soup right? wrong! it really is more than that. so now, i'm trying to figure out if i want to experience the soup again tomorrow or if i'll lay low and maybe get it on friday or this weekend. so here's to panera...




next up is waffle house. i.love.this.place! sure, they're not the neatest places in the world but where else can you get waffles that are made while you wait and melt in your mouth? i love this place so much that three or four years ago, i searched and searched for a waffle maker so i could make waffle-house like waffles at home. where else can you get full off a meal for $6 or maybe less? love it, love it, love it.



ok, let's talk about chain style restaurants? i have two favorites...well probably more but i like the bread from these two places so i'll include them. that would be red lobster, for their cheddar biscuits (which i have the recipe for and will be making at home soon) and their all you can eat seafood event. and let's not forget olive garden. i have two favorites at olive garden...the chicken caesar salad and their chicken fettuccine.

and


next up, a place that i can only go to once in a while but it is definitely worth it. i'm talking about the cheesecake factory. it's a little on the pricey side but the cajun jambalaya shrimp/pasta is to die for. i love shrimp and i get this dish every time i go this is what i order. this along with a slice of blackout cake or any one of the many varieties of cheesecake will make you wanna slap yo' momma. i can't go here often, but when i do...man oh man.




and finally...the dessert that i love the most! cupcakes!! every now and then i will buy a box of betty crock white cake mix, get out my muffin pans and bake a batch of cupcakes. to me, these are the ultimate dessert. add a little cream cheese frosting (has to be home made and not store bought) and wow. they just melt in your mouth. i have a recipe to bake cupcakes from scratch and i think i will try it over the holidays. even though i say i don't cook, i love cooking deserts (from the easiest to the hardest). found two more recipes for cupcakes, but essentially the same but i think i'll make homemade, from scratch cupcakes for a holiday pot luck my team is having at work.

let's just be friends - the remix...

so the more i think about it, the more i realize that i want to (and can) be friends. i was upset a few posts back, but i've thought about it and contemplated what i really wanted and for right now that's it. this person is dealing with a lot of issues right now and a relationship is probably not going to a top priority. as someone whose never dated much, i am looking forward to really getting out there & exploring my options. and so, if i do just that and then realize this person (and subsequently a relationship) is what's best at least i won't be resentful and always thinking "what if".

what my stars say about me...

ok...i jacked this from another blogger site; i really don't do horoscopes but thought it would be interesting to see if this matched my personality. hmm, let's see i am very smart, adorable, intelligent and love to joke. energetic...maybe (in the right situations, lol). always get what i want...yeah pretty much. romantic...yep, i'm a big sap. talkative...nah, not even. i can be very emotional and tempermental, lol...so don't cross me. secretive...yeah, i'm a very private person.

Lets101 Quizzes - Fun Quizzes

karma...

have you ever done something you knew was wrong but didn't worry about the consequences because you got what you wanted? do we (yes, even me 'cause i ain't no saint) realize that karma is gonna come back and bite us in the butt? guess not, as long as we got what we wanted at the time we wanted it, every thing's alright? that's the philosophy that some have. however in my particular situation, i always worry that anytime anything goes wrong it's because i'm being paid back for what i did. why is it that we are sometimes so worried about getting what we want when we want it and how we want it that we don't consider the potential consequences? we don't consider who we are hurting and we don't consider (or maybe don't care) to paraphrase miss celie - what we do to others is gonna come back to us hard. i wish that we would start to realize that we can have everything we want, but in it's own time. if we just wait and get things the right way the end result would be even sweeter and more worth the wait.

three strikes you're out...

when do you stop giving people multiple chances to be a part of your life? what determines someone's ability to get another chance? i have a decision to make. let someone back in my life who completely screwed up or not, if i do some would say that i'm foolish. my head is telling me that after multiple chances i will be screwed over again. my heart tells me that another chance is worth it. my intuition is telling me this person needs something from me and that's the only reason they want to work things out. which one should i listen to: heart, head, intuition? its a tough decision...

tit for tat...

oh really? we're all grown so why is it that adults sometimes revert back to childlike behavior. like, you said something that hurt me, so i'm gonna say something to hurt you back. just be honest and truthful. if someone is telling the truth and you can't handle it, just say so. but don't be honest and truthful only when it suits your needs and hurtful at all other times.

giving the power back...

to yourself. i never thought i'd be one of those women who couldn't let go. who would allow someone to disrespect me and treat me badly over & over again. shoot, i'm smarter than that, but i guess book smarts and relationship smarts are two different things. but why can't i just let go? why have i given this person power over me and allowed that to determine how i feel? so i was surfing the net this morning (while i should have been working) and found this:

"This may be tough for some of you to hear, but that's ok, that's tough love. Why do some people give their power to someone else? Why do you need someone else to let you go? If they are not treating you right or causing you stress, hurt and pain, then you need to release yourself from that person if they refuse to treat you with the respect that you deserve. The bottom line is that it doesn't matter what we are picking up intuitively, or what a reading says, or what you think you feel, what matters is this, how is this person treating you in the present moment? Can you handle the behavior and actions that this person is showing you? If it is causing you pain and stress, then LET IT GO. I have been in love before personally, and I know how hard it can be emotionally to let someone go. But you have to know how to set your boundaries when you are not being respected. It is difficult at first, but you will get used to it. And on top of that, people will RESPECT YOU MORE over time. Now, life can be challenging and there are always going to be obstacles along the way. No one is perfect. But the point of this blog is that you need to BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. Don't allow your happiness to depend on someone else. If that person isn't treating you right and causing you pain, then you need to make yourself move on rather that person talks to you or not.

You deserve the best. You deserve respect. FREE YOURSELF!!! It doesn't matter what the other person is feeling. If their behavior is causing you stress and pain, free yourself from it. It doesn't matter if its a soul mate, twin flame or whatever word you want to call it. If its meant to be, that person will come back around in the universe's own time and they will treat you right. Maybe that person has to go through changes before they can be in your life. Think about that."

man, that hit home for me. it took someone else to tell me that this person wasn't respecting me, because i couldn't see it, or maybe i did but didn't want to because i thought all was good in the hood...guess not. so i moped around for a few days but my mood is improving. i don't really feel like being around anyone or hearing about how great a relationship is. i question what i did or didn't do and what i could have done differently. but i have to stop questioning myself, just admit that its a done deal, and take my power back.

that daggone c.p.t...

why is it that when we have anything we can't seem to start on time? i mean really, if you say something is going to start at 10:30 pm, please be there and be ready to go at 10:30 on the damn dot! don't start isht at 10:31 or 10:35:55 or 10:53:57. that is one of my biggest pet peeves. unfortunately i experienced c.p.t last night. no one seemed to be in any hurry to get things started so i left and headed back home. contrary to belief starting isht 15 mins later than scheduled is not a good look.

please, please, please my brothas and sistas let's get it together. please realize that starting something on time is a good thing especially when you're dealing with other people's time.

if you're early, you're on time...if you're on time, you're late.

the black kkk...

interesting article


http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/7499442?MSNHPHCP&GT1=10637

lets just be friends...

really? gtfoohwtbs!

you have all these feelings wrapped up in a person and they just spring that on you. like, we didn't start out as friends (which is probably the problem in itself), so magically you think we can be buddies now? in the words of whitney - hell to da naw. that's the mood i'm in right now. i don't want to be your friend. i mean, i was upfront about what i wanted. i didn't beat around the bush, i said i wanted a relationship. but i should have known something was up. that's my fault for being so naive and gullible. i'll have to be more careful with who i let into my life next time (if there is a next time but thanks to this mojoker, there probably won't be). so i am a little bitter, aw hell i'm pissed the f*&k off! if this dude didn't know what he wanted he should have said so upfront, but nah, he didn't have the balls to do that (which is not surprising to me, his lack of testicular fortitude has been present through this little ordeal).

so would i be wrong for thinking about slashing tires, pouring sugar in the gas tank, breaking windows, and/or vandalizing his isht? nah, i'm not really that type of woman, but i want to hurt him and make him feel lower than a piece of dirt.

turkey day...

was actually very relaxing. i didn't eat much, but ate what i wanted. watched a movie or two and had a good time with my family.

i had plans of getting up early today, i always plan to get up early and do the after thanksgiving sales thing. but that never happens, plus the thought of leaving my warm bed and warm apartment get me every time. but i will go out later today to get a christmas tree. i completely forgot all of my christmas decorations are at home, so i can either go get them this weekend or buy all new decorations. i have to weigh that one out...hmm cost of gas to go home and come back to charlotte vs. cost of new decorations + the time and energy deciding a color scheme to go with. its tough.

my mommy is coming to spend the day with me today or tomorrow. that should be interesting. have to make sure i put up a few things because she loves to snoop around my apartment.

ah well, time for my first nap of the day...

glutton...

for punishment. why is it that the things (including people) we know are not necessarily good for us we keep letting into our lives? is it is that we are gluttons. we don't get enough of being treated poorly so figure that its better than being treated no way at all? i have to ask that question because i keep doing that myself. why? i'm a good person, don't i deserve better? of course i do, but i have an issue with letting go of things (including people). this is just me, but as far as people are concerned, i feel like if i cut someone out of my life then if something good happens to them i won't be around to enjoy it. but would i really be able to enjoy the moment if i remember all the not so good times with this person?

4 words & a question...

scared the bejeezus outta me. i heard them last night and was immediately caught off guard. i didn't know how to respond, well i did but i couldn't. if you know me, you know i'm famous for answering a question with a question. so i asked this person the same question. the answer was yes. i told this person they weren't ready, their reply was how do i know that. i don't but as i thought about it more, i realized that maybe i'm scared of where things might go and so, maybe i'm not ready.

today...

i had a job interview with the local hospital for what was essentially a recruiting position. although i wasn't qualified for that position the hiring manager told me that if they hired internally she would consider me for an hr assistant position. she asked me if i would be interested...um yeah!! but of course i played it cool and said (as professionally as I could without sounding overly excited) absolutely! so i hope i hear from her, but again, as stressed as i get at my current job i'm okay if i have to stay a little longer.

way back in 1922...

...sorors, ya'll know the rest!


Happy Founders Day to all my BLUtiful SoRHOrs!!

85 Years Never Looked So Good!

EE-YIP!!

"never let your fear...

of striking out keep you from playing the game"

i love this quote. it's so where i am in my life right now. actually it's where i've been for a long time. always a fear of not fitting in or being rejected somehow, so i keep people at arm's length. i shut down and completely withdraw because it's easier for me to just not be in a new environment rather than risk being hurt. that fear is always there for me, hence my inactive social life, the shyness, etc. sometimes i wonder how i even function normally, but i do. am i abnormal, lol, some might say yes but i don't think so. there have been numerous times where i have told myself that i was going to let go of the fear and just be. but it's so hard to do that. i'm working on it, but i have a more work to do, i don't want this fear to totally consume my life and i'm tired of living with it. people can tell you to just do something or just be something, but i've been this way for most of my life and as ya'll know (from my previous blog) dealing with change is not my forte. so...i'm going to give it a try again and hopefully i'll see different results.

who moved my cheese...

if you're in corporate america you've probably seen excerpts or read that book. it's all about change - basically making changes and being successful.

i have to admit, i hate change! unless it's change that i've initiated or maybe have been advised about in advance - i hate it! when things change it leaves me caught off guard, reeling, and trying to regain control. i deal mostly in the familiar, with what's comfortable to me, and with things that i can control and manipulate easily.

so...i'm about to make a huge change in my life. i'm doing this with 3 other women that i respect and trust, but i am freaking out! i'm trying to decide if this is the right decision for me. i thought about it some this morning and got sick. i've made a decision and feel like right now there's no turning back, but all i want to do is run! run back and get back into my comfort zone. i feel like crying right now, i want to, but crying isn't going to help the situation. it'll just make me hate and regret the decision that i've made more. it will make me resent this whole situation that i feel like i've been dragged into (kicking and screaming).

maybe this will be a good thing for me, get me out of my comfort zone, help me be more active and social. that's what i want...it really is, but right now i don't care. i just want things back to the way they were.

random spurts....

randomness:

i have a decision to make. on the one hand it could be very easy, but on the other hand its hard to decide what to do

to you...you are so cute! i will always feel like you're the one that got away. thanks for making me smile this week (like only you can do)!

its cold...i love the cold weather because of the cute winter clothes.

to the other you: you get on my nerves sometimes! i don't know why i keep you around

i'm glad it's the weekend!! i am going to do absolutely NOTHING!

i need to build up my blue/gold wardrobe...think i'm gonna need it

how yooooou doing...

if you ever listened to wendy williams' radio show, when she plays the clip "how yooooou doing" you know what it means. so everyday at work for the last few months my co-workers and i have been faithfully listening to this show. yesterday she had felicia 'snoop' pearson on the show. any wire fans out there? if so, ya'll know that 'snoop' portrays a hit women (part of marlo's crew) on the show. well ms pearson is also a lesbian...and a very butch one i might add. yesterday she was basically describing her life. how she was raised in foster care, was in jail for killing someone, and then got her big break (after being discovered by the dude that portrays omar on the wire).

so what does this have to do with "how yoooou doing?" well, wendy is a nutcase, seriously. but she was asking snoop basically about her lifestyle. this chick proceeds to say a few things that i was shocked by. first...she's a lesbian...duh, she sounded like a man. second...she likes women (duh, of course, hence the lesbian thing) but she doesn't like women who are completely into that lifestyle...she prefers to try and "turn out" women who i guess are either bi-sexual or straight. third...she wants to have children some day but wants her foster brother to "knock boots" (yeah, that's what she said...i could neeeeever make this up) with her lesbian lover so that child would be related. <--- i'ma leave that one alone cause that don't make no damn sense at all.

my co-worker and i were cracking up. literally, while listening to this interview i had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. anyway, snoop mentioned that she "just knew" she was homosexual when she was 6 or7. ok. for real? word? i just couldn't believe she said that. when i hear or read things like this i just wonder how in the world do you know at that age your sexual preference. my co-worker said that some of the homosexual people she knows have also said the same thing. they just knew at an early age. still don't know how, but i guess if i knew in the first grade that i liked boys (yeah, i started early...had a boyfriend and all, lol) i guess it is possible that snoop knew she liked girls. maybe it is all about genetics, maybe being homosexual is a predisposed condition. i know i've always been taught and believe that g-d made us all in his image. that he made adam and eve and wanted men and women to procreate. so i feel like being homosexual goes against all of that, it's like saying g-d made a mistake.

not trying to bash any group, i mean to each his own. but that interview and some of the things mentioned make you kinda go hmmmmmm.....

so.....

my sis wrote a blog on self esteem and i started to think about some things. is my self esteem high, low, or in between? do i like the way i look or am i just ok with my looks because - well hell, i'm too old to change things now.

honestly... there was a point in my life in the past when i was very uncomfortable about my looks. i could look in mirror and see one thing and then have someone else tell me something different. i'd look and see someone who just looked mediocre, someone who no longer had the curves she had in high school, someone who'd gained a few pounds here and there and someone who would never be attractive to anyone of the opposite sex. sounds kinda silly right? did i feel like i needed a man to validate me and tell me that i'm attractive and he's attracted to me. at one time the answer may have been yes. because after all, we all need some type of validation whether we want to admit it or not.

so where am i at now? honestly? over the last few years i have come to accept the way i look. i've come to like...heck love the way i look. i've come to understand that i am perfect just the way i am and if someone doesn't like it they don't have to. i love my smile, my lips, my curves...i love it all. i've come to realize that i'm a beautiful woman, who even at the age of 35, doesn't look 35. This poem pretty much summarizes how i feel now...

PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It's in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

i love me some denzel but...

i will have to see american gangster again. after months of hype surrounding this movie, i am clearly confused. it seemed to jump from one thing to another without full explanation. the start of the movie left a lot to be desired. i mean, we learn nothing of lucas' past, where he came from, etc. instead the movie opens as lucas is probably in his mid 30's with his boss bumpy and at the start of his reign as a drug lord in harlem. some details of the movie seem to be incorrect, mainly lucas was from nc but not greensboro as indicated in the movie. i did a little research via wikipedia and found that he was from washington, nc. i also felt the unbelievable amount of acting talent in this movie is clearly wasted, ie ruby dee's small part as lucas' mother, chiwitel ejiofor his brother from nc, even cuba gooding, jr as nicky barnes - lucas' rival...these characters were clearly undeveloped and lacked personality.

the movie served its purpose...we learned about frank lucas' rise and fall as a harlem drug lord. it will be added to the dvd collection, but i just wish there was so much more to it.

i prayed...

for a friend this morning. and i'm hoping that g-d overlooks all my heathen, non-christian like ways and still blesses this friend. seriously, this would be huge for this person. so, i prayed because i was asked to do so. i prayed because i wanted to.

speaking of g-d and christian like things...i should be at church this morning and i had every intention of going, but with this time change (yay for an extra hour of sleep!) i just can't get it right. first i thought it was 10:30, then i looked at my cell and it said 12:30, then i looked at my house phone and it said 11:30. what?!?!? LOL. I was really confused for a minute, but i took another look at my cell and it said 10:30 so i'm just gonna go with that and hope its correct.

so...who knows what the rest of the day has in store for me, but i'm optimistic and hoping for only good things. :)

november...

is finally here! in 3 days it will be my mom's b-day, in 19 days it'll be thanksgiving. this is one year that i can seriously say has flown by.

so...looking back is there anything i would have done differently? honestly? there probably are a few things that i would have done differently but on the other hand things if i had done something differently things might not have turned out the way they did.

i honestly can't wait to see what thanksgiving and christmas bring. holidays = relatives, friends, loved ones, time off work...etc. i do have one wish (that i'll keep to myself) but i'm hoping it comes true.

and this is why...

i don't like taking vacation from work. <---- i know things have really changed because i can say that and/or write it without flinching. there used to be a time when i'd take off work in a heartbeat, vacation, sick, whatever and not have a care in the world. however, in my current position i can't leave and be carefree because i'm always worried that something won't get taken care of like it would if i were there. and today i see that is so true. it was such a hectic today. i got back to work and i had 55 emails sitting in my inbox, not bad since i'd been on vacation for two days, it could've been worse. i saw things that were taken care, things that were handled but my instructions ignored, and things that didn't get taken care of. so i spent the day trying to play catch up and figure out just what was going on. ugh! i can't wait to see what my desk looks like the tuesday after thanksgiving when i return to work or the first of the year after i return from a weeklong vacation. *sigh* i don't want to work in a call center ever again if i can help it, but i can say i miss those days when i could go home and not have a care in the world about what i had to do to prepare for the next day. hopefully i can get to work very early tomorrow, knock somethings out and then get everything back to normal and caught up.

finally...

saw the tyler perry movie. i know, i'm probably the last person to see it but i wanted to wait and avoid the opening night crowds. it was such a good movie as others have said. i will definitely add this one to my dvd collection.

next up is american gangster which opens friday, nov 2nd. can't wait to see all the black star power in this movie.

i got home and watched "mr brooks" and that movie was off the hook! definitely one of the better kevin costner films i've seen in a looooooong time. if you have a chance, rent this dvd.

i also watched the fantastic 4: rise of the silver surfer. have to say that one was overrated, i'm a big fan of marvel comics. i grew up watching superfriends, spidey & friends, the fantastic 4 on saturday mornings. so when cartoons are made into movies i expect the scripts to stick to what i remember from the cartoon. that never usually happens, but i'm usually still able to enjoy the movie anyway. this was just an ok movie.

my birthday...

was nice! i want to thank everyone for all their birthday wishes. i ended up hanging out with a friend, turns out i learned a few things about about this person and we share similar personality traits. that's probably why we can't seem to get along.

sooooo, today i'm going to see why did i get married. i'm going to a matinée so hopefully the audience will be a little calmer and there'll be no talking to the screen. i hate that! i got the dvds "mr brooks" and "the fantastic 4" so i'll watch those when i get home from the movie theater.

old habits die hard...

how do you let go of someone or something that you feel doesn't have your best interest at heart? even when they bring the same old song and dance..."i'ma do better this time." hayle why couldn't you do better before? what's so different this time? why should i waste another second, minute, hour of my life dealing with you? why do i even still care?

and a question(s) for me: why do i keep allowing the same ol' isht to happen? why do i keep falling for the okey doke? i'm not stupid but i act out of a sense of trust and loyalty and it's not returned to me. i must do better!

two days and counting...

until my 35th b-day. sometimes i can't believe that i'm as old as i am. i wonder where the time went. i want to know what i've done in 35yrs that's so great and important. then i go back again to wondering where the time went and wishing that i could do it all over again and make some changes...but that's not possible so i just promise to do better.

ah well...

i decided to submit my resume for the position. i learned today that the hiring manager decided that she wouldn't interview me again. ah well. moving on. on the bright side i'll be interviewing on tuesday for a part-time auditing position that i applied for weeks ago. i got the call today and was a little shocked and excited. i really need the money to help out with little things and to put into my savings and to help pay bills.

i guess i should look at the whole thing like when one door closes another opens.

new opportunity...

today while at work my former manager emailed me to let me know that a position on her team has opened up. she told me to forward my resume to her manager and let her (former manager) know if i'm interested so she can give me a strong recommendation. wow! i applied for this position 4 weeks ago, along with my now former team lead. she got the position and i didn't. it was no big deal. i realized maybe it wasn't the right time, maybe i needed to stay put in my position for a while longer, maybe i needed to keep working on my relationship with my current team mates. so getting a heads up from jan (former manager) was unexpected. the thought of her putting in a strong word for me is even more unexpected...but makes me proud in some way to realize that she knows how hard i work at my job.

so...new position = possible pay raise + better benefits!! what am i going to do? apply? or not? i don't know (is it crazy of me to not know what to do). the obvious answer would be apply. but i'm finally starting to get along with my teammates and its been a long time coming. we would all still be working in the same area, just one different teams. i guess i should pray about it, weigh it out more and then do what feels right.

what the hell is wrong with people...

Mother Charged in the Baby's Death

Authorities Saturday found the body of a missing 11-month-old girl hidden in the attic of her Spring Lake home and later charged the child's mother in connection with the death.

The Harnett County Sheriff’s Office charged Johni Michelle Heuser, 25, with first degree murder. She was being held without bond.

Harmony Creech had been dead for three or four weeks, Harnett County Sheriff Larry Rollins announced late Saturday night.

Rollins said Heuser's three other children were placed in foster care.

Police had issued a statewide Amber Alert on Friday after Harmony's family reported her missing. The FBI helped the Harnett County Sheriff's Department, although authorities never labeled the case an abduction.

On Saturday, the mother told investigators she had found the baby dead in its crib and concealed the body in the attic of her home.

"Her reasoning for such was that she was fearful," Rollins said of the 25-year-old mother of four.

Rest of the story here: http://www.newsobserver.com/news/crime_safety/story/744362.html


i just don't understand what would make someone hurt their own child (or anyone else's for that matter). i wonder what was going through this woman's mind when she "found" her baby dead and just hid the body in the attic instead of seeking some sort of medical treatment or telling authorities or someone. it's just really sad. i want kids someday and i can't imagine ever wanting to hurt them because they are so precious.

ohmyachinghead...

somehow between monday and friday i managed to get sick...i guess it's the change in the weather around here - hot one day, cool the next, cooler at night - that got me. so my plans of going home to a cookout hosted by the sorors at st. aug got nixed. i hate that i couldn't go because i would have gotten a chance to see my ls and catch up. but, maybe next time. instead, today was a lifetime tv day. i got up took a shower and hopped right back in bed (along with tissue, breathe right strips, cold medicine and a bottle of aleve) and slept most of the day away, except for a few moments here and there. i HATE being sick. maybe this is punishment because i was going to call in sick on friday (the day b4 my b-day). maybe not. but i hope whatever it is goes away rather quickly, i really don't wanna spend next week and my b-day weekend with a stuffy nose, aching body, and sore throat.

you down with g-o-d...

over the years i know that god has definitely blessed and kept me. but now when i need him most, i feel as if i have no relationship with him. i'm someone who as a child was at sunday school and church every sunday without fail. even if my mama didn't go with us, she made my brother and i go. that lasted up until i graduated college. in all that time i learned some bible verses and listened to thousands of sermons about hell and how to avoid the pitfalls of going there. but my relationship with god never grew or matured. now as i'm getting older i wonder about my relationship with god. most people don't know this about me but i've never been baptized. i do believe in god and have accepted him but that's it. i wonder sometimes if not having a better relationship is why my life is the way it is sometimes. don't get me wrong, i'm doing better than most people, but maybe - just maybe it could be better. i know we all go through things and that having a relationship with god does not mean you're exempt from going through stuff, but that relationship will help you deal. i know what i need to do...

just tired...

this week i am so tired (physically and mentally). i don't know why. our new team member started on monday, so i've had to escort her to her conf room, get her set up with the audio equipment, logged onto her computer, etc, etc, etc. i don't mind doing that because at one point or another we've all been the new kid on the block. but i have so much to do and so little time to do it. she is supposed to sit and observe with each of us. after the first day, i had her sit with my other team mate. i mean, i'm good at what i do - don't get me wrong. but because of the team of people that i work with i don't have time to stop and explain each and every little thing. plus, i've developed some bad habits as i've gotten busier and i don't want her to pick up on those.

what i'm curious about is why this chick accepted the job. i mean she was an hr generalist. a generalist!!! those in or familiar with hr know about a generalist's role in a company. their hands are pretty much in everything hr related (recruiting, orientation, payroll, employee relations...you get the point). but she left that job to come and work with us to be basic schedulers. that's all we do all day everyday, schedule interviews for microsoft recruiters. a monkey could do the job. it's not difficult nor is it a challenge. we have all placed bets on how long she will last in the job. i hope she stays a while, but honestly once she gets the basics and is able to do the job for a while i think she'll realize what a mistake it was taking this position.

i'm so glad it's wednesday. my days are all messed up this week. i thought yesterday was wednesday but i'm glad it wasn't because with everything i have going on at work on friday i need all the extra days i can to prepare.

sbf seeking....

....is it too much to ask for a single black man to not have any children? seriously? i mean it seems like it's becoming more common these days for men who are single and never married to have a gang of kids. why!!!! that's all i want to know. i'm not being judgmental but dayum, if i don't have any kids is it too much to ask for someone that i'm interested in dating or developing a relationship with to NOT have kids? is that selfish of me? am i wrong for thinking "i have no kids, so you shouldn't either?" i know, i know, by placing this limitation on someone i may be bypassing a good man. i realize that things happen and i don't discount that fact, but this is just my opinion and it's so aggravating sometimes.

salisbury mural...

here's a partial pic of a mural that we saw while in salisbury last night.

missing...

one waistline. not sure where you went. you've been missing for a few years now and i need to know what it would take for you to return.

as a reward for your safe return i am prepared to give up the following

cakes, cupcakes, fast food, soda, late night snacks, chips, rice krispies treats, cheese (and you know i luv cheese) & anything else deemed unhealthy

i am also prepared to offer the following upon your return:

a healthier lifestyle which will include exercise, healthy eating and snacking

**please come back! i realize it's my fault that you left in the first place but i'm willing to do anything to get you back and be sexxxxy again!

random spurts...

producers of "a time to kill": i love this movie but i have one question. did ya'll poor water on samuel jackson for his role? i mean, its hot in the south, but dayum not that hot! all that sweating was just plain ol' nasty!

lady at mickey d's... you are the perfect example for the slogan "a mind is a terrible thing to waste." telling me that math wasn't your favorite subject while trying to determine how much change i would get back from the $10 that i gave you makes me so sad. i really need you to know that $10-3.79=6.21. i figured it out in my head while you were still guessing. your excuses are a cop out, it's simple addition and subtraction, i'ma need you to do better!

rowan county jazz society: thanks for a good time, we didn't stay long but it was nice to see a group of us and them together, having fun, enjoying each other without anyone starting some isht!!!

valerie with bankers casualty and life: you suckered me in to an interview thinking that i could speak to someone about an hr position with your company. then i checked your website and it mentioned nothing about this so-called career fair. i'm not stupid, i won't be there on the 29th, i don't due sales and when you call i'm gonna pick up my phone and speak spanish so you think you dialed the wrong # (hola, no habla espanol). buzz off!

14 days and counting...

til my birthday (YAY ME!)

i know what i want and will *hopefully* get it tomorrow. for months i have been drooling over the palm treo 700wx offered by sprint. but yesterday as i was checking my sprint acct i saw the new palm centro on their website. i'm in love...*sigh* it's not a big as the treo or probably not as advanced but it'll do for me (for now). here it is (in black, but also offered in red)...

arriba, arriba....

after work yesterday as i'm stuck in traffic, i get a call to see what i'm doing later on. um, nothing. all i wanna do is go home and chill b/c it was a long, hard week. but hey, i'm trying to get out and be active...so what the heck. i was told that a soror was in town and she wanted to go salsa dancing. cool, i've never salsa danced before - count me in.

let me just say, being the only 5 black women at a private mexican birthday party is NOT the isht! being the only 5 black women in a club where everyone only knows a little (and probably not that much) spanish is NOT the isht! having pedro stand up gyrating in front of you, hoping that you'll dance with him is not the isht! and avoiding eye contact with men who want to dance is not the isht! it felt like we listened to the same mexican song all night...but it wasn't the same song. my soror's friend was hilarious, but especially when she said hearing all those songs which sounded the exact same felt like she was running to the ice cream truck trying to get a chocolate eclair.

so that was my night, very out of the norm for me, but i'm trying to do some out of the norm things.

traffic nightmare...

today as i left work i got to the stop light to take my usual route (arrowwood to 77) and traffic is backed up both ways. no problem, i think to myself. i'll just take it easy til i can hop on 77N and it'll be smooth sailing...wrong! i finally get on 77 and traffic is standing still. i can't see what's going on, but here in charlotte standstill traffic is the norm. so i see this state trooper rolling down the median and think uh-oh, what have the idiot drivers done today. i started flipping through radio stations trying to find a traffic report...bingo, found one. i find out that on one side of 77 (south, which i take in the morning to work) someone had a severe case of road rage and fired shots...on my side there was serious accident and i believe 1 person was killed.

now on my way home i didn't think to much of it. but as i finally pulled up to my apt complex, it dawned on me, that i could've been in the accident or in the line of fire. i say that because today i left later than i planned to, i had planned to leave at 4:15-4:30 but i wanted to clear my inbox out and help out a co-worker with some of her stuff. god is so good, because had i left any earlier that could have been me in that accident or shot! all i can remember is fussing at work that i was ready to go home and the people i work with were getting on my nerves because they kept calling me. well, there was a reason behind all the madness and it kept me safe, protected, and out of harms way.

wally world...

aka wal-mart is the devil! seriously! i stopped in today at 6:00 to pick up something to eat tonight for dinner. i had a total of 4 items. can you tell me why in the hayle there are 22 checkout registers at the super wal-mart and only 8 registers (including the self checkouts) were open????

as i get ready to check out, i pass by checkout lanes filled with people until i get to the end at #22. the self check out lines on that end were shorter (praise black jesus!) so i hopped in line thinking it wouldn't take long. wrong! one pet peeve of my is folks taking all day to check out - in my line there were these two guys and little lady up front. the guys had two items each...what i can't figure is why it took so long for them to ring up those two items. the little lady had a cart, with probably 10 items in it. why did this woman take 2 items out of the cart at a time, then she'd scanned the item, and stand there looking at the screen as if something else was going to magically happen. *sigh* i hadn't eaten all day (yeah, that's my fault) but as each minute passed i grew weaker and weaker waiting for this slow as woman to check out. finally she took out her credit card and was ready to pay but she couldn't figure out how to operate the key pad. omg! all i can't think is lady if you don't get the ##$%##@ outta here, i'm gonna scream.

so here's my public service announcement...if yo a.z.z can't operate the self check out register at wal-mart of any store for that matter, please go to another register...or do us all a favor and go to another store!

but on the bright side...thank you to the young man outside of wal-mart who told me i had a pretty smile! it made my day... :-D

it must be in the water...

i've bumped into at least 3 other pregnant women here at work besides my co-worker who sits in my area. it must be the water. lol. they are all in different phases of pregnancy, but i'm just gonna stay away from the water, ya know - just in case.

my co-worker is jumping up and down every hour to go to the bathroom. she attributes that to pregnancy...naw partna, i think its the 3 bottles of water that you drank in the last 2 hours. i mean, i'm no doctor, but at 5wks, the baby is at best a speck and shouldn't cause you to run to the bathroom that much. but those are just my thoughts, what do i know?

that's my mama...

i love my mama! i mean, she does get on my nerves sometimes, but she is a damn fool! and my best friend. i'm so glad that she raised me and was one of those mama's who didn't mind sending you outside to get a switch or even a belt and wearing that a*z*z out! she wasn't concerned with trying to be my friend, her concern was raising me to be a healthy, strong, independent and capable woman. it makes me sad when i look at some mothers today who are so concerned about being their child's friend they forgot to raise the child.

my mom and i were talking about my younger cousin. she was taken from her mother at 3, raised by her grandma, ignored by her sperm donor (my cousin) and resented by her aunt. now this child is 16/17, she's tried to commit suicide, she's been sent to live with her uncle, ran away with some man, and almost dropped out of school. i feel sad for her.

i want children someday, but it scares me sometimes to think that my kids may turn out like my cousin. and this morning i saw a girl walking to the bus stop and she had at least 3 kids in tow and she looked so tired and worn out. i just don't want to end up in that position - tired, angry, resentful... i don't think i'd put myself in that situation but honestly you never know what situation in life you'll be in.

oh really...and other random thoughts

i got to work today and my co-workers were standing around talking. so i just go to my seat and try to get the day started. then one of them says here, take a look at this picture and omg, its a ultrasound, she's preggers. wow, she just got married 4 months ago and already she's expecting. so i guess i'm happy. eh, i guess i should be right?

so you know where my mind is...i won't even bother mentioning it here now. doesn't matter.

might have to bake those cupcakes today, its just one of those days.

i read over my old posts and i never realized how many times i use the word "so" to either start a sentence or as part of a sentence/paragraph. what's up with that? hmm...

this year has gone by so quickly, i mean i didn't really realize it until i got a call from my dentist to remind me of my 6mo checkup/cleaning. my last cleaning was in april, that just seems like a lifetime ago.

gotta get up and be at work at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow. i have a lot to do and take care of before i leave. i'm dreading the thought of even being at work at 7:00am. over the last 2 months i've gone from getting to work at 7:30am to getting there between 8:00 - 8:30 am. i must do better and get back on that early schedule.

another monday bites the dust...and other ramblings

as i was driving down independence blvd on my way home from work today, i saw a billboard with some cupcakes on it. so i stopped by wally world and picked up all the ingredients i'd need to make a dozen cupcakes. i won't bake them today but believe me, i will soon.

totally random - i am addicted to cheddar cheese & sour cream lays and ruffles baked chips.

today was a good day! i don't know when the last time i actually said that was or if i've said it ever. but work was the same and i still had a good day.

dinner club - so i'd been thinking about starting an african american dinner club for a while for newcomers to charlotte like me or those who aren't so new but would like to network and meet new people. so far there's a total of 4 people (including me) that are interested. i wanted to start off with 5 so i'll send an invite to the few people i know here and see what happens. so far, i'm excited.

ah well, let me get ready to watch i love new york 2 on vh1. this should give me a good laugh...speaking of very ghetto fab people, while in wally world i noticed a pregnant chick in the frozen food section. now, i'm not exactly a fashionista, but i damn sure know that what i saw wasn't cute - AT ALL! her hair was a dirty, weavy, orange mess. her pants were too small and i guess a little tight on her belly so she had them unbuttoned, and her shirt was 2 sizes too small. but i'm sure she thought she looked fly. it was so embarrassing and i didn't even know the chick. i just wish that "we" would think sometimes before we go out in public, i mean you don't have to be dressed in designer clothes from head to toe but at least look presentable.


i really just want to climb in the bed right now and curl up and go to sleep...but if i do i'll miss the nonsense on prime time tv

coming soon to a theater near you...

so in the next few months there are a few good movies coming out...because it costs so much to go to a movie these days (and i'm talking about a ticket only, not including the cost of anything extra like a drink or popcorn or candy)i have to be selective about what i see so i don't waste money. so below are a few movies i want to see:

tyler perry's "why did i get married?"



denzel washington in "american gangster" - i love me some denzel!



"we own the night" - i am a big mark wahlberg fan and liked joaquin phoenix from his role as johnny cash

*drooling* mmmmm....

this pic inspires me to go out and buy the ingredients to make a dozen or so cupcakes. i love sweets, not much of a chocolate fan, but i love stuff like cakes, cupcakes, and pies (well only apple and the crust of peach cobblers)...




my cousin got married back in july and his bride (now wife) had several tiers of cupcakes instead of a traditional wedding cake. i've seen that before but i always think its such an inspired idea to do something out of the norm.

to me, cupcakes take you back to a point when you were a kid, back to being in school and someone's mom baked them for a class party.

bruised but not broken

i heard this song on a radio station last week and it hit home for me, it's officially my anthem...

listen to the song and the lyrics. i'm sure it's a place that we've all been in at one time or another.

lazy day...

so i woke up this morning at 1:52am, seems that my neighbor was having a party or something and wanted to blast their music. that's one of the things i hate about apartment living. but anywho, i stayed up and surfed the net until about 3:30am and fell asleep at 4:00am. the good thing about waking up is that i realized in my rush to leave work yesterday i forgot to take care of something for my co-worker who left early and whose desk i had to cover. so i got up at 10:00 and got dressed and went back to work to take care of that. i hate dropping the ball, but i hate it even more when it's something work related.

so i picked up my book at borders, browsed around for a few, walked in the mall and then came home. i stopped by value city which is down the right from my apartment. i'd never been in a value city before, honestly, its overrated. i hate going into stores where i have to look through stuff that i don't want to find what i'm looking for. but i did find a few pairs of earrings at a really reasonable price.

so i don't know what i'll do tomorrow but i hope the next week or so goes by really fast. my birthday is approaching at the end of the month and i'm looking forward to it because i have some time off from work.

finally...

its friday. i have been wishing for this one day the entire week and it's finally here! i'm so tired! work was work, although i thought today would have been uneventful, fat chance. it wasn't. same old stuff, just a different day.

usually on the weekends i just relax at home, sometimes i don't even bother going out. i'm a homebody and i don't mind staying at home, some folks would see that as me being anti-social but that's not it. i think tomorrow i'm going to try and get out and enjoy myself. i have a book i've wanted to start reading so i'll head to borders books and hang around there for a bit (who knows what else i might pick up) and there's an african american history museum near the part of charlotte that i stay in so i might head over there and see what's up with that.

if i don't end up doing anything, i'll stay in and finish the homework that due for my online course. but i'm going to make an effort to get out.

thirsty thursday...

wow! what.a.day! i went to work expecting, well i don't know what i was expecting, but i got thrown a major curve ball. so i have a one-on-one meeting with my manager (we do this every 2 weeks) and she tells me that since my previous team lead has moved on to another position, she'll look to me as the sr. recruiting coordinator to move into her role. whaaaaat? totally not expected and i'm thinking is this something i can do, take lead, be in charge? it will definitely require me to come out of my comfort zone - to speak up, take charge, be a leader. i've never been in that position before and i've always been comfortable being in the background. now i guess things have to change.

i had another call with my manager's manager, well we all did. she told us to be upfront and honest about how we felt about the company and our manager. well, i was and it felt good to speak up.

humpday...

well, it's almost friday again and i'm so glad. don't know if i can take many more days like the last few, but i'll make it. so, i'm at work and i absolutely get so frustrated with the team of people that i work with. they're supposed to be professional but yet everything thing is always so last minute. i'm just like damn, for once can i get the information i need in a reasonable amount of time? please, pretty please? if i email you on monday and tell you what i need, and you respond that you're going to send that info either that same day or the next day and its a day later and i still don't have it -- what's the problem? ugh!!! don't get me wrong i am so thankful to have a job because there are alot of people out there that don't, but i am just so tired of being put in a position where everything is so freaking last minute. and it doesn't help to reach out to these people and say i need this, this, and that. they say things will change but in the end all it does is remain the same.

ok, i won't complain anymore (well not in this post at least). once again i have to say i'm ready for the weekend, i mean really ready. i don't care what i do this weekend and long as i'm away from work and the people that annoy me most.