so.....

my sis wrote a blog on self esteem and i started to think about some things. is my self esteem high, low, or in between? do i like the way i look or am i just ok with my looks because - well hell, i'm too old to change things now.

honestly... there was a point in my life in the past when i was very uncomfortable about my looks. i could look in mirror and see one thing and then have someone else tell me something different. i'd look and see someone who just looked mediocre, someone who no longer had the curves she had in high school, someone who'd gained a few pounds here and there and someone who would never be attractive to anyone of the opposite sex. sounds kinda silly right? did i feel like i needed a man to validate me and tell me that i'm attractive and he's attracted to me. at one time the answer may have been yes. because after all, we all need some type of validation whether we want to admit it or not.

so where am i at now? honestly? over the last few years i have come to accept the way i look. i've come to like...heck love the way i look. i've come to understand that i am perfect just the way i am and if someone doesn't like it they don't have to. i love my smile, my lips, my curves...i love it all. i've come to realize that i'm a beautiful woman, who even at the age of 35, doesn't look 35. This poem pretty much summarizes how i feel now...

PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a model's fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It's in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me.