Are you a daddy's girl?

How many women have grown up being the apple of their father's eyes? How many women today still are? On the flip side, how many women who are my age (early thirties) grew up without their father? How many have issues?

My dad left when I was three years old. I don't remember him leaving, I guess that's a good thing, maybe I blocked it out. My mom tells me stories of how close I was to my dad years ago. She says that I would wait up until he came home from working the night shift, and just sit in the kitchen and sit with him. Some nights he'd fix me toast and some nights it would be something else.

One day he's there, the next day he's gone. As a child I probably didn't process that he was gone, but now that I'm older I think what my life would've been like had he stuck around. What if he'd been a man and stayed committed to his wife & children? He ended up leaving, but what if he even tried to play a part in our lives? It would have a more solid relationship with him, rather than just seeing him occasionally dropping off child support or Christmas or Birthday presents. I mean, don't get me wrong, he provided for us financially (somewhat) but not emotionally. He never attended a single PTA meeting, honor assembly, extra curricular activity, piano recital, or band recital, EVER. Its not like he didn't know my mom had both my brother and me in those types of activities. He knew where we lived but didn't bother finding out what was going on with us. So later, when my mom (after doing all she could) tried to get him to discipline and dispense words of wisdom to us, it was useless. My brother and I were older, almost grown, and doing our own thing.

So...do I have abandonment issues because of my dad? Probably. I never let anyone get too close. I let people know me on the surface but deep down no one really gets close enough to know the real me.

I've been thinking lately that I may need to reach out to my dad. I never call him or see him at all. Even though I'm older having a relationship with him could still be so beneficial. Even though I don't want to be the first to reach out to him, I know if I don't do it, he won't and soon it'll be too late.